Ego Consciousness

Plotkin says, "Our distinctive ego-based consciousness -- made possible by our reflexive self-awareness -- engenders both our crisis and our opportunity. Ego consciousness is our greatest liability as well as our greatest power."

It seems for the past week everywhere I turn, there are writings on ego. Campbell's opening myth of Minos is about the destruction caused by his ego-based clinging to the bull for his own benefit. Plotkin seems to say that it is our ego clinging that keeps us trapped in adolescence. It seems the major journey of ours is to somehow grow out of thinking that one more thing is really going to satisfy our craving for something that seems almost beyond satisfying, something that many of the books I am reading lately say can only be satisfied by "God." Certainly it seems that it is a longing so great it is like a vast and boundless blackhole in my own soul. The journey to satisfy that longing brought me to Naropa.


In Diane Eck's book Encountering God: A Spiritual Journey from Bozeman to Banaras she talks so much about the richness of the ritual life in the Hindu tradition. Like Gena (see her post), I have mostly avoided rituals and excessive displays of both personal and religious fervor. It almost seemed frightening to me in some cases. I certainly had a lot of judgment over the excessive fervor and emotional displays I experienced at Baptist services and funerals. When I finally chose a church, Ichose Unitarianism for it simplicity and lack of rituals. Eventually I felt a longing for something more elaborate after all. I begin now to wonder if these rituals are not ways in which get outside ourselves and our attachment to our own egos, that perhaps participating in more ritualistic practices would shift my own focus from my needs to a deeper connection to that which I am longing for.


The rituals of taking the refuge and bodhisattva vows had something of this quality for me. On retreat this summer, Gaylon asked me what I thought of all the chanting and oryoki practices. Since chanting has always very rote to me, it is hard to see the purpose in it. Yet when I think about how it connects me to 2.500 years of history, lineage and practioners that have succeeded in moving beyond their egos, chosing a Tibetan form of Buddhism with all its rituals and practices beckons me to give it a chance to work its magic in my soul and to move me closer to the mystery that I am seeking.