A Rose By Any Other Name

So for those of you that do not know, I have changed my name back to my maiden name Fay Octavia Elliott.

I still have the very first Social Security card that I received at 15 with that name on it. My new card now has the same name. So I have two. I remember how eagerly I changed my name the first time almost 40 years ago. I was so excited to be Mrs. Michael Gillis. Many years later, I did it again and became Mrs. Lawrence Moore. I have decided that from now until I die I will be just me and not apendage myself to someone else.

I am not saying I will never marry again because indeed, I hope I will. But the only reason I can imagine to change one's name now is for the sake of the children and the confusion it causes in their lives. After over 30 years of being married, I never had children. All these years though I have had me, and it seems on many levels never claimed me. I never even told anyone that Octavia was my middle name. As a child it was a source of embarassment. I asked, "Why would my parents do that to a child?" Now I am told I have a beautiful, elegant name. Perhaps I had to grow into it. I know I have grown to love it. I now have to get used to saying it and writing it.

So am I someone different now that I have a different name? Only time will tell. Perhaps the name was changed to catch up with the me that I have already become.

Fay Octavia Elliott

Till Death Do We Part

My little boy cat Colbi was killed last night by a coyote. It was a gisly site and certainly not the way I would like to remember my amazing "acrobat o cat." He could fly through the air with such grace and turn sommersaults. It was a such a joy to play with him. And so those are the pictures I am trying to hold in my head.

We found his little body right across the road in front of my house, and that is where I buried him with my own hands. I didn't even have a shovel. I used a scissor to dig the dirt and a cat liter trowel to move the dirt. It didn't seem to matter how hard it was. It seemed I needed to do something physical.

My professor Lama Tempa says that what happens to us is our karma. So, my faith in what I believe was tested today, to know and to accept that this was my dear one's karma and my karma to not share in his future. When I found him at the shelter, he had a kidney problem. I adopted him because he was from a "kill" shelter and I thought he would have a hard time being adopted. For 8 short months at least his life was extended and mine was enhanced. I am very grateful.

Who knows why we come into each other's lives and how long we will share our time here. For sure, grief and suffering are real. I believe too that while I will grieve for Colbi's passing, the gift of my practice is that I will not prolong the suffering. "This too shall pass."

May Colbi have a very blessed rebirth.