Yahoooooooooooooooo and Thank You

Today was the final day of my chemotherapy. 18 weeks ago it seemed like this day was so far away, and now it here. I think I had a fear in the back of my mind that when I saw the oncologist today, he would say, "Only kidding, 6 more rounds." But he didn't. He said congratulations. I felt relieved and oh so grateful.

My friend has had 60 rounds of chemo, one a week for over a year. I cannot wrap my head around that since my discomfort these 18 weeks of only one treatment every three weeks has been so difficult at times. I lost a week every three weeks through sheer exhaustion and have not been able to really taste food for all this time. I thought the worst part would be losing my hair, but it wasn't all that bad. The worst part were the days I spent in the hospital. My misery index was very high then. But now it is all over. I can look forward to feeling better and better.

I am so grateful to be here at this moment none the worst for wear really. There is still the radiation treatments starting in December. But I know that too will come and go, and I will move on with my life once again. The doctor said about 80% of my energy will return in two months and the rest within six month, just in time for graduation and summer. I want to go and visit my family next summer. It was hard knowing I would not see them this year at all and that I missed the christening of my grandneice last month.

I am also grateful for my practice. I believe spending the summer in retreat before I started my treatments gave just the right support and sustained me through all of it. My mind has been so still at times, it is surprising and wonderful to experience. At times when things seemed so difficult like when I was in the hospital, it allowed me to just be with the experience and not add anything extra to my suffering.

I am grateful to my family, friends and sangha. So many people tell me that I am in their thoughts, prayers, and/or tonglen practice. I know too that this energy sustains me and makes my heart glad. I send great gratitude and love to all of you.

Lastly, I am grateful to the Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche for being my teacher and taking on the task of continuing and nurturing the Shambhala lineage. I have found a spiritual home that will sustain me through many lifetimes. Many blessings to you.