This is the second time I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. The first time was in 1998. While rummaging around in my garage, I found my old journals from that time. Interestingly they were barely focused on the cancer but instead mostly focused on my spiritual life. I thought being on leave and recovering from the cancer would be a time of deep spiritual practice and recovery. While I did attend quite a few retreats, I feel like I squandered an opportunity. I somehow managed to be quite busy that whole time and my meditation practice flew out the window.
And so now oddly as this will sound, it feels like I have been given a second opportunity. I don't plan to blow it this time. As I mentioned in my last blog, I just returned from Vajrayana seminary and I have one-year of practices to complete before I can take my final vajrayana vow. I know of myriad people who have taken years to do this or have never finished despite the best of intentions. I know I will be particularly challenged with another year of classes and the fatigue and difficulties of chemo and radiation therapy, but I am going for it. If I don't make it in a year, at least I will have tried.
On the other hand, it would be refreshingly different for me to appreciate that I am not well, and take it easy. In truth, I am going to let my body be my guide this time and practice as often as it will allow me.
Wish me luck.
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